Time Management — The Lifelong Tug of War — Doing What's Needed and Required Vs What we Want and Love

Whoever said you can have it all, was blatantly lying or living in an alternate reality. As I was discussing with a friend, we are a generation trying to live out this crazy fantasy instilled in us during childhood. There is this immense pressure and immense guilt on everyone's shoulders.

Photo by K HOWARD on Unsplash

Having it all, what does that even mean? 

It means, not just having a job but having a career. 

Great! 

No, think again, that's just the beginning of the list that reaches the floor. 

We need to have a significant other, that then becomes a spouse. 

We must own a home. 

We must then have children, not too early to cause condemnation but equally not too late, in case our ovaries have shrivelled up and died. 

We must somehow then raise our children well, maintain the household to pristine condition, continue to have a close loving relationship with said spouse, all while holding down a job which we excel at.

Wow, that's a lot but it doesn't end there. 

We must also keep our social life and friendships going so we don't look like a recluse. 

On top of that, we must take care of our bodies and our minds, so we always appear presentable and zen like to the world. 

That is the terrible dream and ideal we all think we should be aspiring to, that honestly is a sham. We logically know it's all silly but we aren't entirely immune to the pressure and the guilt.

All of us, are constantly making decisions on where to place our time and energy and what to concentrate on.

Quite frankly there aren't enough hours in the day to do it all. The advancements of society mean our pace of life is way off the charts. More than I think we can actually cope with. Everything seems to need to happen now or yesterday and with it something, always, has to give. Something always, has to fall by the wayside. 

It's about compromise and while you think such and such a person has it all figured out, well they really don't. The grass is not greener because everyone is grappling with the same things. They may have different priorities and needs, and things that sustain and bring them happiness; but ultimately everyone is struggling to do it all, and trying hard to just maintain their lives.

There is never enough time!

I've felt this most acutely in the last 6 weeks, since all the kids are now all in school. I'm literally on the clock from the time I drop the kids off at school. Those 6.5 hours each weekday are sacred. I use different ways to manage that time. 

In my calendar, I time block like crazy. The time I block out is a mixture of appointments and places I need to be and then it's all the things I want to get done for myself. I make lists on my phone and I'm always going through what needs to be done many steps and days in advance. Everything is pretty much on a plan with a lot of leeway for change. Life with kids, can be nothing but flexible in case of illness etc. If I get the opportunity, I try to put things in place, in advance, to ease those days. For instance, mundane things, like loading the washing machine the night before so I literally turn it on in the morning. One job pretty much done, with less effort on the day. 

I try to leave the house with the dishes washed, the house vaguely tidy (not clean) so it's not something I have to come back to. I'm trying to force fit the mundaneness of life in the spaces when I'm not doing the things I really want to do. The fine art of prioritisation is happening with every decision I make and what I choose to do. 

I'm physically and mentally trying to carve out time. 

On the whole, I've been extremely successful but it's taken grit and determination to keep to my goals. Gym, swimming and writing time are all scheduled. It doesn't mean I stick exclusively to the times in the calendar, unless it's necessary, like for swimming, but what it means is that I am trying to give these things that hold value and importance to me, the gravitas they deserves. I know for instance, if I go straight from the school run to the gym, I need to block out 1.5 hours. I go there and honestly I am so dull because I'm so focused on getting in and out as I have a schedule. I'm always on the clock. 

I always look at time as, I have an hour, what can I fill in that timeframe and then I go about making that happen. The challenge is always how can I make best use of time. It could be 5 minutes, it could be 2 hours. The thought and doing process is still the same.

It's why I love eBooks. They are great when you are caught out with unexpected lapses in time. You are made to wait longer than expected for an appointment etc. or you get somewhere early and need to fill time. It's how I'm able to read as much as I do. A hobby and passion that I absolutely refuse to give up, now I'm back in the habit of doing it. I read while I eat lunch or cook. I know many people listen to podcast and audiobooks for the same reason. The right kind of multitasking feels like you are winning at life on that commute to work or doing housework etc. 

It's frankly exhausting on a mental and physical front — working and living 'more smartly' with all these supposed work and life hacks.

For me personally, there seems to be no let up. My calendar will be booked out for 2 hours every weekday, with another project. I'll be more forthcoming once I've given it a few weeks. It will be fixed times for the most part and it means I have to rethink my whole schedule, calendar and most importantly priorities. I'm overwhelmed thinking about how the next few weeks will potentially change, for me.

What do I do? 

Do I let the exercise lapse? The exercise makes me feel strong and happy. 

Do I give up the writing? I'm so proud that I'm keeping to the mental challenge I set myself. The creative process gives me an outlet and I'm learning so much about the art of writing. 

Do I stop volunteering in school? I don't want to give that up because it fills my heart. 

Do I give up the blog? Hell no! It calms my mind because I can share my thoughts.

So, yes I'm overwhelmed. I'm trying to say yes to all the opportunities that come my way because I'm trying to find myself and find my way as I essentially start again. I don't want to close myself off to anything. I'm very lucky that I'm able to do so many things I love, but it comes at a steep price. I've never had such a varied and full life, like I have now. However, I've never also had to be so efficient and time conscious as I am now. I know it's a privilege to be faced with this kind of dilemma. 

I guess, I don't want people reading my posts to ever think I'm anything but human. 

I'm managing to barely swim above the surface but what you can't see is the effort and panic to stop myself from drowning. Everything is self-inflicted. I do wonder, a lot, if this is the price we pay in this world to be able to do what we love, while having to maintain our everyday lives. 

I think everyone can relate. 

We don't want to limit the world and the possibilities for children because essentially, in an ideal world, you can shape your life as you see fit and go off and be whoever you want to be. That's the dream everyone has. That's the world we want to live in and maybe that's where the lie of 'you can have it all' originated. In that wonderful dream-like state, that it's possible to strive and gain all your heart's desires. Very much like a Disney inspired film. 

Who wants to trample on the dreams, aspirations and optimism of children?

No sane adult with a heart would ever imagine doing this to a child. It's the only time in life we can truly dream big and free without restrictions. So I guess, it's something we as adults will forever be wrestling with. Always wondering why someone didn't sit us down and set us straight. Instead generations to come will also have to learn the harsh realities of adulthood for themselves. The acute and chronic pressure points of trying to strive for the things we want, balanced precariously with the things we have to do, in order to survive. 

Weekly Update

Writing is going well. I'm over the 10,000 word count which is about 18 pages of single line spaced, 11pt Calibri text! Again, I need to sit down and make sure my cheat reference sheet is up-to-date. I've literally only had time to write with very little thinking. I don't know if that makes what I write terrible but I keep going. On Monday, I have my sponsored mentoring 1-2-1 session with Poorna Bell and I'm hoping I'll get some advice on how I can help myself moving forward. I'll put an update up next week about how the session went. I'm extremely nervous!

I really enjoy going to the gym but I do have days where I think twice about going. There's been no swimming this week as I had to take a trip into Liverpool. 

Meditation? What's that? I am definitely going to change that this week. I say it every week, but even if I look like a loon in the car at school pick up, I will sit there and do a few minutes of meditation. I've worked out that's the only time I have, where I could do it. I'll pop my sunglasses on so I'll look perfectly normal. Apologies if I don't wave back!

I just finished reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid and I loved it. I found it hard to put down. I gave it a 5 star rating on Goodreads.

As always, if you have read this far, then thank you! 

This blog, has really helped me. Before this and writing 'my book' (which always feels like a really lofty thing to say), my mind was chaotic and it was never quiet. I'd have 10 million things going on in it simultaneously. I guess, I've found my much needed outlets and I'm trying my hardest to ring-fence them all. Wish me luck!