'Childless Cat Lady'. Exploring Women, Diversity and Representation in Society

I’m not in the least bit surprised or shocked that being childless is STILL used as an insult towards women.

Men, who cares about their loins and what they do or don't do with them? Women on the other hand are fair game when it comes to judgement, shame and ownership.

There is this perceived ownership of all these collective wombs but not by the women who actually possess them. In a lot of cases, we don't seem to have a say because others perceive that they know best and ultimately restrict a woman's rights to body autonomy. Everyone should have body autonomy.

You deny women these basic human rights, you are jeopardising women from achieving their full potential and equality in the world.

We as women are more than our wombs. 

We as women make great strides and huge contributions to society and the world and still people distil women down to such banal levels. It is not a badge of honour to have children. It is just something people do or don’t do. It's that simple.

Now, more than ever, people are making deliberate and conscious decisions not to have children. It is, I believe, perfectly normal and acceptable to do so. Not because you can't have them but, for whatever reason, (which is none of anyone's business) someone chooses not. I mean we rarely ask people why they choose to have children. It never enters our thought process. I think it would take you a beat or two to answer the question because nobody ever poses that question.

We are so lucky the world is changing even if the pace of change doesn’t seem to come fast enough. The role models are so much more diverse and there are so many more ways shown on how we can live our lives. There isn’t one way to live a fulfilling life and it’s so freeing for everyone to see. 

I’m lucky my children get to see so many different versions of a life; that they can figure out for themselves a life that suits them and not one that they may feel is thrust upon them. 

Life can be fulfilling and life affirming with or without children present. 

When I was growing up there were so few role models that I could aspire to be. 

There wasn’t anyone who looked like me that would make me feel seen, confident and powerful. Now I look around and I’m in so much awe of these strong, capable and intelligent women that look more like me; that in my vivid imagination could possibly have been versions of me in alternative realities.

There are so many examples but a few that are top of mind right now are:

Kamala Harris, the first female vice president of Asian and African American descent. She is the highest-ranking female official in US history. Forget politics for a moment. It's amazing to see this in my lifetime. 

Sunita Williams, currently the American NASA astronaut stuck out in space on the International Space Station (ISS). She is a retired U.S. Naval Officer of Slovenian and Indian descent. I'm so jealous. I really did hope the film Space Camp would come true for me and I would accidently end up in space, thereby kick-starting my career as an astronaut.

Poorna Bell, an award winning UK journalist, author and competitive weightlifter of Asian descent. Her work is so well written and it really resonates with me. If I can write half as well as her, I would be ecstatic. Plus, she weight lifts and I'm like if she can do that, then I can definitely lift a few weights in the gym. 

I have barely scratched the surface, as positively and overwhelmingly there are lots and lots of other wonderful women in positions of power and influence vs. when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s.

Diversity is so important growing up. 

Seeing yourself, whomever you are and whatever you identify as, front and centre is vital. 

It stops the feelings of inadequacy such as, I’d be successful in whatever field or more successful if I was say thinner, taller, fairer, blue eyed and blonde etc. 

I can’t tell you how much I didn’t particularly like the skin I was in, at times during my childhood, because the women I admired didn’t look anything like me. 

There was no one reflected back at me on TV, film, in books and in music etc that I identified with. It makes you believe you can’t be successful or amount to anything really, unless you fundamentally change who you are to fit in. One, in certain ways, this is impossible. Two, why should you need to change the core essence of you, to succeed?

I love my children, my husband and my life. I'm right where I'm meant to be and I wouldn’t change it at all. 

However, if I had been given what I see before me now, I would’ve felt more comfortable in my own skin. I would've revelled in it and celebrated it more. I would’ve felt more powerful, confident and made myself bigger in the spaces I inhabited. I would've understood my worth and stood my ground with a bolder posture. Perhaps, I would’ve strived for better and more in the workplace because I know now, that for me...

the stars are for the taking and not just to view from afar.

Representation and diversity in all areas of life is important for everyone. 

The positive impact it has on children cannot be underestimated. It helps children figure out their place in the immediate and wider world. It helps them feel grounded, included and valued because they can  see possible future versions of themselves in society, that are considered successful and admirable. It ultimately makes them dream bigger and reach further at an age where the world is for their taking.

It also has a positive impact for us all, because our growth comes from our interactions with others, and the understanding and learning that all those different and unique individuals bring to our lives. It helps expand our lives.

There are some great female musicians with some inspiring music and I particularly 💚 King by Florence and The Machine. It always feels like some battle cry for women everywhere. 

'I am no mother, I am no bride, I am king' 

We are more. We are more than the labels that are thrust upon us. We are multifaceted individuals.

So rise up and remember each of us is powerful, unique and able to change the world, one action at a time, no matter how small.

I stand with all women with and without children (and / or cats).

Update

Goodness it's hard fitting everything in! If I'm succeeding somewhere, I'm failing somewhere else. I think that seems to be the constant pattern of things. I think that's the same for all of us though. 

Where I'm winning is that I'm on track with the writing, the exercise and this blog. 

I'm doing badly on the meditation front and the house could (always) do with a bit more cleaning but it's ticking over.

I've not been as 'in the zone' with the writing this week and I've found myself easily distracted, wondering to myself, if I could catch-up another day. I still persevered. It wasn't so much writers block though, as laziness. I'm at approximately 5,500 words and the greatest challenge now is continuity. I'm not making any notes so when I need to remember a name I made up etc. I have to scroll back through. 

A top tip for anyone starting out, is to jot down key information that you put into your work such as names, places, timeframes, locations, timings etc.  Basically make a quick reference guide as you write. Feels like a no brainer, just not to me evidently! So my next job, on top of the daily weekday writing, is to do just that. Go back through the 10 pages I've written and collate my quick reference guide that I will then add to as I go. Nobody tells you this stuff, it's just something you evidently do or learn as you go.

The other thing I've noticed is the outside influences in my work. I've just finished reading The Fellowship of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien for the first time. I've noticed that unconsciously I've put a song or poem in it. I wrote it without much thought and then I was a bit shocked but it wasn't half bad so it stayed. Just like his book, there is an actual physical journey across a completely made up world. The idea for my story came before I started reading the book but actually for the entire time I've been writing, I have been reading Tolkien. I would say he has helped me to world build. Nowhere to his intricate level of detail but he's given me the tools needed for a novice to even attempt to build a world from scratch. Hence, the desperate need to go back and create this quick reference guide or it will make little sense to me when editing. If I can't decipher anything then God help anyone else!

From next week, I will be adding volunteering to my ever increasing list of things. I'll be spending 2 hours a week as a parent volunteer in the kids' school. I'm really looking forward to it. I won't be committing myself to anything else because I think with that, my week is pretty much full up.

On the exercise front, I'm finding it really easy to make it to the gym 3 mornings a week. The gym has an app and I get free access to a training plan for 8 weeks. I know exactly what I'm doing every time I go in and I'm either alternating between lower, upper or full body at each respective session. I can record my weights and reps. I can blitz it all in just over an hour. It's great and I feel so much better for it. I think my posture has already improved. 

I've also managed swimming this week and this is a big bonus because, while it's great exercise, I actually just do it because it's my happy place. It's a place where all my stresses just melt away.

That just leaves the meditation which has always been a sticking point for me. It's not that I don't see or feel the benefit, it just literally falls by the wayside. Everything else just shouts more loudly and I'm like, I'll get to you in a bit and a bit turns into a lot later until it's just not feasible to get done. I will try to do better next week. I'm not beating myself up over it.

The blog has had a bit of a facelift. I've been playing around with themes and layouts. It now has a logo and a fancy looking title. All created, by me, on the free version of Canva. I've retrospectively added images to all the blog posts, created, again by me, using AI and cited at the very end of each post. 

The blog is also now available on Substack. 

I'll be updating both simultaneously.

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If you got this far, I'm very impressed. Thank you as always for taking the time to read. I'll be back next week.

*Featured images were created using Microsoft CoPilot Designer powered by DALL-E 3